I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
