Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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