im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
