I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
