i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
