I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
