I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
