I just saw a hot homeless man
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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