After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
