Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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