Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
