Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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