hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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