I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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