Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
