You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
