Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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