well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
