just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There are leaves in my underwear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
