ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
