accomplished twins. life is a go
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
