1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
