I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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