You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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