At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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