He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
