Soap is not a condiment
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
