I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
