If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
