You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
