Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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