oh god the rape fog is back!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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