Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
