She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
