I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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