That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
