So drunk its hurt
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
