Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do herpes really smell.
is wine microwaveable?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
