Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
