Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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