Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
