I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
