There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
