i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
