Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I stole a fireplace last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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