You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just tell him i said nine months
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
