I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
MIDGETS
????
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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