And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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