Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
