so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
