eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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