so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want to walk on stilts...naked
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
