When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
